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Not Censored! A More Focused Explanation of Removing Destructive People From Your Life and Why You Should

I try to keep this blog family-friendly, so I feel a bit off publishing this. If you are offended by foul (albeit non-blasphemous) language, please do not continue reading.

Now that the disclaimer is handled, let me explain a few things about my current mindset: the people who try to disrupt your progress in any facet of your life are monumental douchewagons towing douche canoes loaded with bullshit from a man who claimed said cargo was cleanser for porcine creatures. Got it?

Really? I don’t know that you do.

List your goals. Set aside time to work out, read, make jewelry, plan meals, cook, knit, write, blog, clean, devotional, practice an instrument, et c. YOUR goals. Check them daily with the rest of your schedule. Work on what you need to work on and treat it like a job. Schedule these things around soccer games, work, Scouts, church, volunteer events, et c.

Now when a friend or family member asks for help that is sincerely needed, we all know that everything else flies out the window. Still, keep three things per day that lead you to your goals. They can be quick. They can be barely done. But keep three things going toward your goals and still check said goals every day. Check your calendar every day. Refer to your list that updates as you make progress.

The toxic folks I mentioned in the last blog? Some of us attract more of those than others. Whether we attract them because we are kind or somehow vulnerable or because we’re also toxic people is really immaterial to this point, however. Limit the time you give the massive timesucks in your life. Limit it to nothing for these drains. These vampires of the waking hours. The needy fucks who always need you to drop everything and be there for them and never can manage to do anything for you. (Not family members or friends who are going through a temporary rough time. Again, we all know to drop everything and help those we love or even strangers in need, with the above caveat regarding three things.)

They not only drain your days of the possible productivity but they also wear away at your resolve by making you fall behind. I’m telling you that you need to cut ties with them right the fuck now. These folks are manipulative and perpetually victims. These are not your victims, though. These adults are the people who call you at 3:00 am for a sober driver to take them home when it would mean waking the baby to go get them, then these adults whine or get angry when you refuse. These are the users who get you to plan a baby shower they are expected to plan for someone you barely know. Do not be user friendly. Ignore the call, do not open the text, hide from them when you’re on Facebook or Instagram. These folks don’t need you, they need conflict and require a few personal assistants. (Really they need therapy. That’s right, they need help. Unless you’re a therapist or psychiatrist, that is not you.)

Do you know what you don’t need? Conflict. I don’t call it drama because I’ll not elevate it to an art form. Let’s refer to it by the negative terms meant for it: conflict instigation, shit-stirring, trouble-making, fight-starting, self righteous martyrdom, feigning victimization, self-destructive sowers of chaos, and toxin-spreaders. (Add in narcissists, gaslighters, and crazy-makers if you are dealing with those. Contrary to the popular belief of the moment, we are not all dealing with those folks.) You cannot fix these leaches, these destroyers of peace. You can walk the Hell away, though. You can ignore their attempts at draining the sands from your hourglass. You can say “no, I’m busy then/now.” You don’t have to explain why.

You never owe people an explanation as to why you are doing something productive — even if it is for yourself. Telling these people your reason or your plans gives them information they will use to “debate” your reasons. They will belittle your choices and/or mock why this is important to you or required right this minute. It does not matter at all that you put this off until the last minute or just have not gotten around to it for months. Your procrastination before does not lessen the priority you now give a chore, errand, or project. (“I don’t know why it is so important all of the sudden; you’ve had that kit in the basement for three decades.” SO WHAT? It should wait longer because it has waited? Or it should wait longer because your friend here thinks that he or she and his or her whims are always to be your priority? Nope. Not how it works anymore.) Avoid getting sucked into the turmoil and wasted time arguing with these selfish pricks. Just say you’re busy. Don’t explain yourself. Do not give these twits the appearance of authority to “approve” how you spend your time or the chance to try to undermine you.

You know how you want to have proof before you cut someone out of your life? You don’t need proof. You just need to feel like this person does not edify you. At the beginning, middle, and anywhere into your fitness journey (or life, generally), that which does not edify you (build you up) tears you down. You don’t need any more obstacles in your way than already exist. So move on without these naysayers. Either they shape up and can come back into your life or you need to avoid them. You don’t need justification. You don’t need irrefutable evidence. This is not a court. (And these timesucks are not the judges of what is a good reason to cut them out of your life.) You just need to do what is best for the people in your bubble, which includes you.

You don’t need approval or consent of the user. You get to make that decision. You have that power.

I say this all the time since I first thought of it six years ago: “bad enough is bad enough.” It works in so many contexts.  We don’t need to exaggerate things to make the testimonial better, we don’t need to wait for that big fight or the final stab in the back. We can decide that this is bad enough and be done with these ass hats. So don’t wait for it to get worse. Don’t tolerate one more day of non-supportive or destructive or emotionally/financially/time-draining fuckwittery. Be done now and keep building your life. Trust me, those folks can self-destruct just fine without you.

Now go do jump squats, push-ups, and Burpees and 45 seconds of plank.

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Weight Loss Products and Other Toxins

I might step on some toes here, but this needs saying:

 

There are no magic pills. There are no miracle creams. That fad diet? It is just that: a fad. A fleeting, popular concept that will not last. The results will not last, either. I promise.

Check out the notice sent out by Patrick Morrisey, the West Virginia State Attorney General:

https://t.co/MtEtnbNlAd

 

Why? Because consumers get scammed by these products. Will a wrap take inches off your waist for a short period of time? Yes, but you’re still unhealthy. Will these pills rev up your metabolism? Yes. So will caffeine, cocaine, methamphetamine, and HIIT. Pick two of these that are healthy instead. (NOT the cocaine or methamphetamine, people!) Will these pre-made shakes make you lose weight? Yup, so will eating healthy foods. So will running. So will paying attention to what you put into your body. Yes, vitamins are good. Minerals are good. Pre and probiotics are good, but they cannot replace appropriate nutrition and exercise.

 

Yet people are more apt to throw money away for a shortcut that lacks the benefits of exercise and eating healthy foods. It’s childish. You want this, but you refuse to do Y to get it. This is how the body works: you get stronger and build endurance by exercising, which burns off the excess fat. You eat food to nourish you and you don’t need to eat crazy combinations of foods or make shakes to replace foods. For real. If you don’t make changes to how you’re living, then the magic shakes, the magic beans, the miracle creams? They don’t work.

 

One of the stupidest things anyone has ever said to me is, “You don’t need to go to the gym, you look great.” WHAT?!!! I never know where to start with this, but here goes:

  1. I work out (in a gym or elsewhere) to be healthy, so my looks have nothing to do with that.
  2. I look this way because I work on it, but achieving this look (not everyone wants to look like this and we all have different ideals and limitations on what we can manage to achieve, so trust me, I am not bragging) REQUIRES maintenance.
  3. I am not yet where I want to be. So I need to get to the gym or run or lift at home or dance or practice yoga to achieve that.

Although the statement was made, in part, to be kind and complimentary, it stung. The other person is invariably annoyed that I am not working time into my schedule for him or her when I have things that need doing. Is that bad? A little. Selfish? Somewhat. But let’s be honest: There are times when we need to refuse to make plans at certain times for our kids, work, and working out. Meal planning, too.

 

I can already hear the scoff: “You have to make your dinners for the week? Really? Is that all our friendship means to you? Can’t you do that later?” Or, for the more toxic: “If you ever want to hang out with me, I’ll be sorting my laundry or canning foods and I won’t have time for you!” Toxic. Yes, I wrote it. When one is busy, the schedule is the polar star, the structure that keeps the mountain from falling down on us, the bridge across the abyss, the be-all, end-all. So, yes, those who scoff at your attempts to take care of yourself and your family and who try to send your world careening out of orbit are toxic or just totally oblivious. If oblivious, educate them. If toxic, walk away. If toxic but still fun, schedule a time that works for you. (Hey, even the most manipulative folks are witty and great fun in small doses.)

If you have enough notice, this is not a problem. But it is the “come out with us tomorrow,” or the “Tuesday Night Trivia! Are you in?!” suggestions when you have a yoga class booked for Tuesdays that are the basis for the problems I noted. The “April’s birthday is May 10th, so can you be there?” request can and probably should be accommodated (as long as you know who April is). But the last minute, non-emergency, let’s get together activities are fine to schedule for more convenient times.

Look at your planner for the week. When do you have time to get in all your workouts? When do you have time to go over homework? When do you have time to cook? Who else in your family needs you for what time? Can you fit in all of these things and still fit in an unscheduled get-together? If yes, then go out. If not, then do what you set out to do. Always offer when you are free as an alternative.

Furthermore, if you are reading this and you have said these things to someone else, I hope you are oblivious because continually saying to someone, “you can do that any time” or “you always say you need to do that” should make you want to re-evaluate your own behavior or how you deal with this friend or family member. When I hear, “I have X to do,” I do not question it anymore. Why? Because this person has her or his priorities in place. I will never say, ‘you’re really going to clean your bathroom over watching old musicals with ME?!’ Instead, I think, ‘good for you. I know your time is limited. We’ll set something up for _____. I should schedule a time to clean my bathroom, too.’

I used to say these same things, until I became irritated with someone questioning my having to prepare resumes to get out of the table-waiting job I was working so that I could get a job as a lawyer (I may as well use one of my degrees, right?), which was important to me. I fixed this and I hope you can educate your friends to see this as folly, too.

But the weight loss gimmicks? Don’t waste your money. Make the changes to eating real foods that you fix and exercising to increase muscle and lose fat. Make those permanent changes. Leave the toxic people and the scams to their own devices.

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Stand Up, Plie, Jete, Releve, Et c.

Read this twice then stand up, grab a sturdy chair or table (or barre if you have access to one), and work out. Do you get a lunch? Do this before you eat:

Stand facing the barre/chair/windowsill/table/bench/something-I-haven’t-thought-of and turn your legs out from the hip so that your toes point outward with your heels together. Good. You’re in first position. Demi plié (bend your knees out and sink down, keeping your tailbone tucked but without lifting your heels from the ground), and return to starting position. Ten times. Now descend as far down as you can (yes, you will lift your heels for this) ten times for your grande plies. Good. Now step your feet apart so that you are in second position and repeat this with ten demi plies and ten grande plies. Cool.

Now we break it up a bit. We remain in second position and do “plié, releve, straighten, and down” or “frogs” as my friend and fellow barre instructor Mandy Fish calls them. We’re doing twenty of these in demi plié, than twenty of these in grande plié. Are you ready? Get that way. Demi plié. Now roll up into a demi-pointe (up onto the balls of your feet). Good work. Now squeeze your glutes to straighten your legs, staying on demi-pointe. Do you feel that? Make sure that you do twenty of these before you move on to doing these in grande plié. Between demi and grande plie, you may find it necessary to shake out your legs to keep from feeling as if your legs will cramp. That is allowed and encouraged.

Now you are ready top repeat this process in second position. If you feel fatigued, remember to breathe deeply. When you complete twenty each in both demi and grande plié frogs, then move your feet to fourth position. If you know what this is, then great. If not, then return your feet to first position (remember to turn out from your hips, not your knees or ankles), then slide one foot in front of the other. Keep your weight balanced between the two legs. As you descend, tailbone tucked under, lift your back foot off the floor. Do ten of these in demi, ten in grande, then switch the positioning of your feet, letting the back leg take the front spot this time.

Shake out your legs. Breathe deeply, keeping your feet planted firmly on the floor as if the feet are roots and your legs and torso are a tree trunk, Lift your arms to be branches and let your arms sway as if there is a breeze blowing. Inhale deeply so that you feel your lungs fill up all the way into your pelvis. Exhale. Now breathe deeply and envision the oxygen flowing even farther down your legs into your glutes. Exhale. Now breathe even lower, envisioning the oxygen flowing into the tiring muscles of your hamstrings and quadriceps. Now into your calves and your shins. Exhale, then breather in all the way to your toes. Slowly exhale.

Now turn so that your body is perpendicular to the barre and your left hand is resting on the barre. Turn your legs out from the hips and stand in first position. Now ronde jambe. That means, essentially, take your working leg (to one farther from the barre), and slide that foot to a tendu in front of your body (Point that toe hard out in front of you). Now move that leg, with the motion originating in the hip, around to the rear. Pass back through first position as your repeat this. Do this twenty times, then REVERSE the motion, beginning your semi-circle behind you and rotating it around to the front. When you finish that, try it a l’aire. That means raise your foot off the ground for this exercise. Start with a low set and move higher. Now turn and work the other leg. Sets of twenty. Good work. Shake out your legs.

Now tendu your working leg and then flex the foot. The pointe, then flex. Do ten repetitions of this. The move your foot to the side and do the same thing. Then the rear. When you complete ten repetitions to the rear, lean forward and lift your working leg up behind you. Hold that. Switch sides.

Now for the battlements. That is a “kick,” but it is controlled lifting of the leg. Ten demi battlements, then ten grande battlements to the front. Repeat to the side. Now the rear. Now the side. Now switch sides and repeat with the other leg. Great work!

Last thing for today: releves. Remember lifting the weight off of your calves by imagining the weight of your body first being lifted up by your hamstrings and quadriceps? Lifting the weight up first with your thighs, lift up onto demi pointe twenty five times in first position. Now point your toes forward and parallel to each other and repeat. (Stretch out your calves as you need to. No cramping!) Now put your feet in pigeon-toed position and do the same. Now stretch out. You have finished a mini-workout at the barre. If you want to add difficulty, add bands to this. (Notice in the picture on the right that my turnout on my standing leg is not really there. If you cannot keep the turnout’s point of origin in your hip joint, then do what you see on the right. If you can keep a better turnout that originates in your hip, then do so. Or try both positions in order to work different muscles. I confess that I do not recall why I had my foot in that position in this photo — my foot is on an uneven surface . . . this photo is from a year or so ago. I have no clue what I was saying when this was taken, either.)

 

(Next week: arms and abs will be included.)

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Confessions

St. Augustine addressed the up-’til-then-taboo topic of the autobiography with his _Confessions_, which is his life story and testimony. Augustine explained that he believes in the fallen nature of man based on his own experiences as well as his observation of newborns. High-brow and uber-religious stuff aside (but you should read it; it is brilliantly inspirational),we all have a story and a struggle and we all fall short of our goals and hopes. If it happened to the father of the autobiography and pious padre himself, it will happen to us. We need to admit these failures to ourselves. After all, as Augustine pointed out, a person knows himself better than he knows anything else. We know, but do we admit it? ‘Fess up.

I admit the following: I let my emotions dictate my workout intensity and determination. I enjoy sweets in spurts that last up to a month. I am almost always under-hydrated. In spite of anger draining my energy ( I allow it), I permit my rage and memories that I don’t let go of to ruin my workouts sometimes.

With these admissions in mind, what can I do? Therapy? Sure. Prayer? Definitely. Meditation? Yup. Purge the house of all junk food?  . . . I really should. Why haven’t I? Because I use excuses to justify keeping chocolate chips in the house because my son wants to open a bakery someday and he needs to learn to bake. I taught two classes on Thursday, so I excuse the failure to run and to lift with that, in spite of carbo-loading because the kids did not finish their spaghetti.

Where does that leave me? Sluggish and grumpy. That does not work with two little kids. So I need to evaluate my life, my goals in the short and long-term. I want to be around for my kids and be actively involved in their lives and make them into self-sufficient, polite, hard-working members of society. So my cholesterol needs to stay down. Potato chips and candies and cookies have to leave because my kids are more important than Thin Mints or Ruffles and dip. I am vain and I want to keep my tush the way it is. So squats are necessary. No skipping the weights. I am vain and I want to keep my arms looking good. Okay, so the weights have to come out. I cannot afford a new wardrobe from gaining weight. So the running has to happen. I am stressed as all get-out (read: AF), so skipping yoga does not work.

But thinking this way does nothing. Write it down. Even if your goal is “maintain,” you have more concrete goals — your goal is to do the things that will allow you to maintain. Mark that yoga class on your calendar. Watch my barre workout in the morning and plie right along with me. Write it on your calendars. All of them. Work, family, et c. An unwritten goal is a wish. My mother tells me that “if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.”

Write down how you will do these things. You get grandma to pick up Bubba Sue from karate so that you can run or lift. You call her right now and calendar that. Right now. These words will still be on this screen in 3-45 minutes while you talk to your mother. Okay, now pack five protein shakes this evening for your next five workouts. If you only have one shaker bottle, that’s cool. Dump the powder into a plastic container with a lid and a scoop or into snack taxis or sandwich baggies. Do it.

Do you run through fast food places because your kids are starving and so are you? Prepare non-perishable  HEALTHY snacks to keep in your car — if the weather is cold, you can do this with produce, too. Or make a cold dinner that you put in the car in the morning before you pick up the kids. Plan. And act on your plan. A tuna salad wrap after practice will be met with groans for a few weeks, but your kids will adapt. That’s what they do. You might take several months to get over the change, but you can adapt, too. Trust me. You adapted to driving and working and everything else in life, so do this.

Most importantly, READ YOUR PLAN EVERY EVENING and do what you told yourself to do. And be honest with yourself. Pray for strength. Right now. These words on the screen will wait, too. You pray and be thankful and request motivation. Confess your shortcomings and ask for help and strength and a change in your desires. Now, admit to yourself that you do this crap and write it down. Write down how you will fix it. Read that. Act on it.

Let’s make a pact to not eat the kids’ leftovers, shall we? Right now. Or to not eat our own meals so that we can finish their otherwise-wasted dinners. No more overeating to keep from wasting food. Nope. Write that down, too. I just did. 🙂

Good work and stay the course. Stay humble, ask for help, admit your flaws, make a plan, READ THE PLAN DAILY, and move forward.

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Fat Tuesday, Lent, Girl Scout Cookies, and a Plan

Why is it that Girl Scout Cookies come in on March 1st when Lent is almost always underway? Couldn’t we deliver the cookies the first week of May? Or the beginning of February? I always keep my GSC boxes in the highest cabinet in my kitchen. Occasionally I will climb onto the counter, open the cabinet door, stare down the cookies, and know that on Easter Morning, I may eat a few* of them.

Lent is a period of denial. We don’t do it do show our piety (we have none). We do not do it for formality (or we shouldn’t). We do it so that we understand the struggle that Jesus endured in the wilderness when he did not eat or drink for 40 days. Okay. That’s cool. But didn’t Jesus do that so that he knew the temptations and struggles and pain of humanity? So we are trying to feel and identify with . . . our own struggles? Ummmmm. Or is it to honor the fact that Christ loved us enough to endure this for us? I know one thing for sure: do not do it for dietary/weight management purposes.

So we give up something lawful for us that is not necessarily good for us, or we give up something we should not have, or we take on a challenge of another sort. You do you and get from this what you put into it.

Make a few realizations, though:  God does not suspend the effects of physics, chemistry, and kinetics during this 46 days (with the rest days, which I struggle with the existence of). I mean this: If you give up meat, find another protein source or your body will be deficient in protein, and you will feel and see these effects. If you give up carbs, understand the effect this has on your body and remain hydrated and know that bulking up is not going to happen. If you give up on red meat and you are prone to anemia, take a supplement. If you quit heroine you might experience some of the things seen in the movie Trainspotting, or so I assume. Or you might write a song about it like John Lennon did. If you give up running to devote more time to something else, your endurance will suffer and you will not burn as many calories during the day, so that will have to be modified. If you give up processed sugars and white flours, you will be cranky for a while. Worse, you will be tempted with Girl Scout Cookies. And Easter candy. And the doughnuts that some horrible person or person who does not observe Lent brings in to work. If you give up extraneous spending, you will get hit with sales flyers and who knows what else.

My advice for any of these things is the trite advice that everyone gives: plan ahead. Write the budget. Stick to it. Use cash only to ensure this. Do the meal planning. Adhere to the meal planning every week. Look at the food plan on your food prep day and look at the next day’s meals every evening. Make sure you have what you need to fix these meals in advance. Wake up earlier to get in the extra prayer time and still be able to run. Or build in time for tabatas. Write it down. Put it on the family calendars. Look at the work calendar. Bubba Sue is having a birthday mid-March? You know there will be cake that week, so pack apples or peaches or dried figs or something in your lunch each day that week. Put the Girl Scout cookies in that cabinet that you have to climb onto the cabinet to reach and forget about them.

Bear this fact in mind, too: your rest days have an effect on you if you do them. If you give up caffeine and you drink a pot of coffee that day, you’re going to feel that effect much stronger than you would before. Think about the Beavis and Butthead episode in which the blonde on gets a candy high. That. If you eat a dozen doughnuts or binge on candy, you’ll feel like crap later. If you give up caffeine and you have that caffeinated beverage on your rest day, you might start all over with withdrawals if you were dependent on it before. In fact, I’m pretty sure of it. That’s how addiction works. If you sleep in until 2:00 pm on your rest day when your plan was to wake up and do your devotions or run or clean or volunteer or something, then it will be harder to wake up again the next morning. In short, be smart about it. Moderation and no addictive substances.

You know what else? Keep in mind why you are doing this. If the reason is not enough to fast in any respect, then either rethink this observation or what you are giving up or find a reason that means something to you. Faith is not the vain exercise of meaningless traditions for no reason. If it does not edify you, then it might hurt you. At the very least, doing something with no reason is silly and pointless. What message does that send about your witness? It is too much like Shirley Jackson’s The Lottery for me, which I find to be one of the most frightening stories of all time.

One more quotation to justify my English Literature degree before I move on: T.S. Eliot has Thomas Beckett asking about why he is willing to endure a certain thing. (If you don’t know, then you should get this from the title I will give), and stating that to do the right thing, but for the wrong reason is the greatest treason. That’s a big statement. Not just the big bad no-no of treason, but the greatest treason. So in Murder in the Cathedral, Eliot warns us to question out motivation. If I get killed in the cathedral, I’m going to Heaven and I’ll be sainted. But wait. I might be sainted, but if I allow myself to be killed here, is that not for a selfish reason? Hmmmmm. So do my intentions negate my action and sacrifice?  So if I’m giving this up because I’m really hoping to lose weight, then I’m not truly observing Lent, but trying to look pious and trying to excuse my crash dieting out of vanity.  Vanity and Pride.

The biggest problem here: we are humans. Overthinking humans, at that. So we might wrap all the right reasons in with a few or all or just one of the wrong reasons. Evaluate your motives and make sure that you are fully aware of the physical consequences and the outcome of your choices before you make any Lenten commitments regarding fitness and nutrition. And know why you are doing what you are doing.

If lack of appetite suppression is messing with your Lenten fasting, look into essential oils that either help suppress your appetite via diffusing or topical application or even — if appropriate — ingestion. I like lemon essential oil in my water.

Now to justify my film studies degree: “Be excellent to each other.”

 

*Hahahahaha!

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Picking Up the Pace

The weather is “unseasonably” warm here in Appalachia*, so it is possible to get outside and walk or run or hit a park that has an obstacle course and/or tennis courts, et c. without hypothermia setting in.

If you have never run before, think about it. Without cardio, burning off fat is difficult. Now there are exceptions, sure. But unless you are cutting for a weight competition and you know good and well what you are doing, get in your cardio. Get your heart rate up. Just walking is better than nothing, but a brisk walk is much better than a stroll. Running? Tabata sprints? Better than walking by far.

When I first decided that I was going to run I was thirty-two years old and I had just been cleared by my midwife to workout. I was nursing. I was starving.** I was exhausted, sleep-deprived, and gross. So I began with uphill walks on a treadmill for 25 minutes and I jogged for five minutes after that. After a few weeks (yes, weeks), I moved that to 2-3 minutes of jogging here or there throughout the uphill walk. Granted, all of my jogging was at an incline of 0.0 or 0.5, but it was hard for me. Being able to run a mile without stopping took me closer to three months than I was willing to admit. I felt judged by everyone at that gym. I was afraid to go to the weight section (it was generally entirely men), so I stuck with certain equipment. Worse, I had the Mommy Guilt. I felt so guilty and so uncomfortable going to the gym that I sometimes tried to run while pushing the stroller in my neighborhood. I continued with yoga when I could get a postnatal class, but I had to fight guilt and shame and imagined judgment at my slow progress with every trip to the gym. When I could run two miles without stopping, I finished with a walk for a mile (uphill) just to prove to myself that I was going to make progress.

I will get to the problems with my fear of the non-machine section of the gym in a later blog. The cardio, though? It was pretty tough, too. I began doing bodyweight exercises at home and using a few machines, but I ran on the treadmill. The more I told myself that people were watching me, the worse my progress was. I had to turn on the television on the machine, put in my ear buds, blast the music and let my imagination take me to other places — or force it to take me elsewhere until I could become motivated by my own progress. (Eventually that happens. Sometimes it happens immediately.)

When you think, “hey, I’ve done this much and I’m not dying, but I think I can reach three miles in 40 minutes (having walked a good portion of it), so I’ll crank up the speed and decrease the incline . . .” then you’re well on your way. Happiness ensues. Goals are achieved. Call someone who will understand and be happy for you and brag about it. Journal it. More importantly, notice what your body begins to look like when you add cardiovascular exercise to the strength training that you have been doing — your muscles are revealed (as long as you don’t overdo the cardio. More on that in a later blog, but cardio can destroy your muscle building progress.) and you see the progress that your strength training has developed that were hidden under the fat that was in the way before.

If running is really ill-advised for you per a doctor (not Web MD, but an actual medical physician), then look into cycling or ellipticals or boot camps, et c. Running is not the only way to get fit. Can it be boring for some people? Yes. Is boring a reason to not do something? Not always. I prefer treadmills so that I can let my mind wander and I can zone out without having to pay attention to oncoming traffic. Others prefer the great out-of-doors. Trail running, jogging through pretty parts of town, et c. I’ll run outside during lunch sometimes, but I do not prefer it. I am a treadmill person. I like to pick my own incline. I like to not have to dodge the fecal matter of geese, dogs, et c. I like to not worry about reapplying my sunscreen.

Try to run. Even if it seems boring at first, your growing accomplishments might make it less boring. Or take that cycling course (I just cannot call it “spinning.” Sorry.) or hit that elliptical or rowing machine.  Swim. Swim as many laps as you can. But do your cardio. See your improvements.

Do what you can do. Start where you are and do everything you can for as long as you can, as often as you are physically able. Make the time for this. Just get started. The rest falls into place and your ability increases. Slowly perhaps, but it increases. Just start. Get going. You are capable of starting. Begin today.

 

*Unseasonable weather in Appalachia is really a misnomer. In every season is a bit of weather that is archetypal weather for another season. I still have not seen snow in summer, but I have seen snow as late as Memorial Day in Morgantown, WV.

 

** If you are nursing and taking up running, eat more. Seriously, do not be foolish. You can either diminish your milk production before you want to or your own health will suffer as you fail to get enough nutrients to keep your body going and produce milk. You will still lose weight as long as you are not being insane with your eating. Nursing results in weight loss most of the time, anyway. Eat healthy foods and eat enough to keep you going and your baby fed.

Posted on by barrebarrebella

Junk Food

Comforting, salty, sweet, cheesy, nutrient-deficient, tasty, filling, beautiful food. The worst part? Too easy. Just open a bag or slice into a pie, be it pizza, Shepherd’s, creamy chicken pot pie, cherry, lemon meringue, apple, pumpkin, peanut butter, or some other sort. Cake? Cookies? Toast with butter and jelly? It smells divine. It improves our moods for a short period of time. It wrecks out blood sugar, self-confidence, and willpower.

I stumble and fall when certain foods are available. As in flat on my face. I regret it immediately. Before I get to the pickup window to get my food after I’ve paid. As I throw away the chip bag and the empty dip container. Before the glorious rush of euphoria from the dark chocolate and creamy caramel have even left my body. Regret. The questioning begins. “Why did I do that?! What is wrong with me? What was I thinking? What do I do now?!!!!!!”

One moment of weakness. Then what? Move on. Yup. Move on. Eat the spinach salad with the bleu cheese anyway. Eat the rest of the menu you had planned anyway. Do not think about it. Do not think that this has ruined your life or your diet. Forget it. Do not dwell on it. You’ll not only want more if you continue to think about it, but you’ll also break your stride and your confidence. I don’t always know why I’m weak. I suspect it is mostly due to the flavor of the foods or sadness or being rushed or frustrated or perhaps I need some nutrient that my brain mis-associates  or misinterprets as being connected to that food.

You cannot really undo it. You cannot un-eat it in a healthy fashion. Do you need to work it off? Yes, but not necessarily at the expense of your workout plan if your have one. Not at the expense of your sanity, happiness, or outlook on food. Not at the expense of failing to eat the nutritive meals you ought to eat even though you just ate all the leftover ice cream.  Just resolve to do better, avoid the temptation, and forget your shortcoming. Forgive yourself. Move on. Do not exercise as punishment because that can cause you to view exercise in an unhealthy manner. Some mistakes we cannot fix. Most likely, that one candy bar or family size bag of chips will not hurt you unless you continue and repeat this behavior. Move on. Plan better, have healthy foods available instead, make a plan, and stick to it. Do not penalize yourself by taking away the rest of your food for today — you need that nutrition to keep going and to keep progressing.

The spiritual side of this is easy: forgive yourself. Shake the dust off your shoes and leave that behind. Pray for strength and wisdom and set yourself up to do better starting right now. You are strong enough to avoid this mistake in the future, so do it. But if you stumble and fall, get up and walk. Or crawl. But do not give up. This is one time that you can just pretend that nothing happened and just keep going. But keep going. Do not stop. Whatever you do, keep climbing toward your goals.

Posted on by barrebarrebella

How to Stay the Course with New Year’s Resolutions (Or How To Be a Successful Resolutionary)

I know, I know, everyone posts this or writes this article every year during what I call the Resolutionary Period of the year. How and why is mine any different? I acknowledge how hard it is. I admit that the gym system and the food culture are built to make resolutions fail. I hexplain ways to avoid certain pitfalls and how to overcome obstacles without downplaying the difficulty of it. The problems that we encounter are:

• Gym memberships are sold in hopes that you buy the membership, continue to pay for the membership, but stop going so as to limit wear and tear on the equipment;
• Winter foods are unhealthy and are socially ingrained;
• The gym regulars make you uncomfortable. This is because they really do hate this Resolutionary Period of each year. You do irritate them;
• Gyms are crowded and often overcrowded during the Resolutionary Period. This continues until late February;
• All the fancy equipment for working out at home is really expensive and confusing.
Let’s address these, one point at a time.

Gym Memberships

If you have not yet, then DO NOT buy a gym membership in January. Seriously. You can still find a trainer to consult about your goals and set up a workout plan for home use during the next six to eight weeks. There are plenty of videos on YouTube or on DVD to get you started. (Soon there will be on here, too!) Right now, even getting an appointment to learn the equipment with a trainer in a gym will be tough. The staff at gyms are busy, busy, busy right now. But a meeting with a trainer to go over your goals and review what you’re doing? That’s a thirty to sixty minute meeting that you could have just about anywhere.
This is not to say that you should not take a class or make appointments with a trainer to work out. In fact, I highly recommend a yoga and/or Pilates and/or a Boot Camp class to get you started. This helps to relieve stress and acclimate you to working out in front of people. Even better: you will not have to wait for equipment. Better still: You will be learning exercises that you can do anywhere, and while you’re learning, there is someone present to correct your form, AFFORDABLY.
Join a gym after you have worked out at home for six to eight weeks and you have researched all of the gyms in your area and where you are more likely to drive or walk and WHEN you are best at working out. Do not be swayed by New Year’s specials. There will be another special, I’m sure. Even if it is not quite as appealing, saving money on a membership you’ll barely use is wasting money. If you won’t go to that gym regularly, then getting this month’s special discount is pointless. Once you know when you can and will work out and you know the best location for your needs, then select a gym to join.
DO NOT LET THE CROWDS AT THE GYM FOR THE FIRST SIX WEEKS OF THE RESOLUTIONARY PERIOD DETER YOU FROM PICKING THE GYM THAT SUITS YOUR NEEDS THE BEST. This is a year boom that, sadly, will go bust by late February at the latest. If you wait until after the Resolutionary Period has ended, then you have a much more accurate assessment of when the gym is crowded and by whom. Yes, we all know that some of us do not want to work out with a bunch of women or the inverse. Some of us want to work out with those from whom we can learn, and others don’t want to be seen by anyone who is experienced and does not appear to share our same struggles. If you know that you won’t work out in front of X, then pick a gym that does not have mostly X during the times that you would be working out. Your fears and paranoia are real, whether they are considered logical by others or not. These apprehensions will come into play, so know them up front and make your decisions based on that, too. You know your mind, so listen to it.
Winter Foods

This is hard. It just is. Cadbury eggs and all the other Easter candy, the St. Valentine’s Day candy: they’re all out before the first day of the year. Our cold weather comfort foods are creamy, cheesy, carbohydrate- and fat-laden. Fresh vegetables are not on our minds and we cook our winter vegetation in butter, cream, and add sugar and/or heavy sauces to it. I will never knock real butter or real cream or vilify carbohydrates, but if you are cutting back on one or the other, these foods that combine both throw a kink into the works. If you know that you will always give in to jelly beans or biscuits and gravy or fettucine alfredo, then cut out your other downfalls and guilty pleasures and just try to limit the seasonal treats and winter foods.
There are two things that you must add if they are missing from your diet: fresh veggies (in salad or other form) and water. Three things that you need to remove from your diet are colas, candies, and chips. Some things vary, but if you want to see real improvements in your health and physique, then these rules are absolutes.
If you cannot cut out the junk food entirely at first, then find what you are comfortable cutting back on at this moment. Be honest with yourself, but do NOT sell yourself short. We all have had events or days that we thought we would never get through or faced challenges that we were not certain we could overcome, but we did. If you can get through your worst day or hour ever, then you can get through a week with only half of your normal intake of cola or only one chocolate bar, or only one snack pack of chips. Or get through the week substituting fresh fruit and vegetables for all of your treats. You can do it, trust me.
What does your daily intake of junk food have to do with heavy winter foods? If you have the occasional pancake breakfast or biscuits and gravy or mashed potatoes and gravy or cookies or St. Valentine’s Day chocolate, this will not set you back very far if you are not already pumping yourself full of junk that will not nourish you in addition to those occasional splurges.
The Gym Regulars

Yes, you annoy us. We can be real jerks about how your cars take up the entire parking lot, and we have to wait to park. Then we have to wait for you to use or misuse a machine, wait to use the weights, wait for open floor space or benches, et c. We have to do all of this knowing that it is for nought. We know that most of you are causing this disruption to our routines yet you will not stick with it to make our inconvenience worth it for your own health. If you wait six to eight weeks to join a gym, then you avoid this problem. Plus, the gym regulars are more likely to help out or just be friendlier if we know that you’re not a mindless Resolutionary.
Now there are a few things that you can do to minimize to annoyance that you cause the regulars. These are just basic gym etiquette, and they are effective:

• Talk to them and be nice and not fearful, BUT NOT WHILE THEY HAVE ON HEADPHONES!
• Ask for help. Nobody wants to wait for a machine only to discover that you broke it.
• Do not hog machines or weights. Using something – even floor space – is fine as long as you don’t monopolize it.
• Equipment that has a seat built into it is not to be used as a couch, a table, or a chair. Do not sit and talk on them or sit and use your phone on them.
• Don’t stink. Surely you know how to bathe, right?
• Leave your purse or bag in a locker or just don’t bring such a thing.
• Dress so that nobody has to see your junk.
• Phone calls happen. Even bad calls. Just keep it short and at a low volume.
• Do not stare.
• Wipe up your own sweat.
• Clean up your own spills.
• DO NOT GET ANYONE ELSE IN YOUR SELFIES! DO NOT TAKE SELFIES IN THE LOCKER ROOM IF ANYONE ELSE IS IN THERE!!!!!
• We all have to eat. Let me introduce you to the protein shake and protein bar. Leave your smelly food at home. Oh, and no matter what you think of food allergies (yes, people have opinions on such things), wash your hands after you eat and before you use equipment. Besides, sticky and/or greasy handles are disgusting. Also, none of us want to see somebody have a severe reaction to food particles.
Gyms are Crowded in January

Yup. So plan accordingly. Wait to join. If you are already a member, be patient and plan for this. Just know that the crowds do ease up and it does get better.
Fancy, At-Home Gym Equipment is Expensive and Confusing

It is. So don’t buy anything besides some weights that you can AND WILL use (ten pounds and above), maybe some resistance bands, and a yoga mat. Do buy good shoes. You want to run? Put on a jacket and earmuffs and run outside. You want to do yoga? Pop in a video. You want to gain muscle mass? You can do a lot with bodyweight exercises to start. You want to do barre? Grab the back of a sturdy chair. You want to do decline plank? Use a stair, a table, a chair, some blocks, a box, et c. Push-ups, burpees, jumping jacks, jump rope, body weight squats, and plank are all great exercises for beginners that do not require any equipment. Do this until you (and the gyms) are ready for a gym membership.
Spiritual

Have you prayed for the desire and ability to get out of bed early or go to the gym during lunch? What about asking God to deliver you from the temptation of foods you should not eat? Have you prayed for the strength to go five more minutes running? If so, have you said “thank you?” Are you praising and being grateful for this? For every step that you can take toward physical fitness? Remember to do this. Remember to have faith and to believe that yhis is working and that you are not alone in this process.